Thursday, December 13, 2012

This can't be real

How do I start this story?
....An elder colleague who sit on my right in the office (he used to buy me biscuits everyday)  always calls me 'the girl from afikpo'. I always corrected him, insisting I'm not from that place and he should stop saying I come from there.

Fast forward to some weeks ago....

On one of my tiring trips home from work, I got a free lift at my final bus-stop to my house gate. He (The man who gave me the lift), tried chatting, but I was in no mood to respond cos I was damn tired. He told me his name and some other stuffs which I forgot when I got home. I gave him my number anyways (something I noticed I always do these day-you don't know were PP can come from).

After some time, I received a call from someone and he had to explain before I remembered who he was.
He calls at intervals but I always give him an legit excuses for not wanting to see him.

Fast forward to Yesterday
He called again and I finally told him where he could meet me (Same bus-stop he picked me up on the first day).
I got to the bus-stop and we met. He suggested we went somewhere to sit over a drink and chat. I refused and said he could talk while he took me to my gate. While he asked question, I noticed I only answered in monosyllabic sentences.  He irritates me-anyways, I was trying so hard to be nice. I remembered he asked me what my genotype was. I told him, then he blabbed about how a relationship he had failed because they were both AS. He also asked what my likes and dislikes were. I told him they were numerous. Finally ended up telling him I hated liars and dirt. I emphasized on the "dirt" because his car, probably him smelt funny. He mentioned he was from Afikpo and some thoughts crossed my mind. I was like what if the colleague in my office was prophesying into my life, anyway I was saying a silent God forbid. He is damn Ugly.

Btw...I had a dream last night. In it , i saw DO and very close Igbo friend. The Summary of the dream was basically that I'll  always come second in DO's life. If the dreams means anything...I'll find out by the end of this week. Today at work, he was acting sorta cold. I asked if i offended him in anyway and he said no. My conscience is clear.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I'm in Love....again.

Chioma is in love again oh!

I'ld call it dangerous love cos there are alot of odds. But honestly, now I'm in love with him I don't see those things as odds, cos I think I can comfortably overcome them.

I remember vividly, him asking me (not once, not twice) if I could marry a Yoruba man. I would scream No!! even add a God forbid. But now...I can and hope to.

Also the issue of faith. I'm Catholic and would love to remain so, but he's Pentecostal-this is a very tricky one cos I deep down hope I could win him over.

DO is leaving the office this December...he won't be resuming with us in January. I already miss him like mad. I hope we don't lose contact. You know what distance does to people-and since I'm not the calling type. But I'm so exciting for him and I wish him all the best (I pray for him everyday). He shall find favour in whatever he does. What ever he puts his hands to shall prosper-that's my prayer for him...and yes he should not forget me, cos he's always in my heart.

If you ever get to read this DO, I want you to know that I really care about you. The thought of you put a lasting smile on my face...and gives me joy in my heart. I really wish I could make you happier or do something for you (maybe a shoulder to lean on)but you always seem self sufficient-which is really good. If we get to work-splendid, but if you go and leave me behind, it's all good. Just know I feel honoured to have known you. I wish I had known you earlier!

November 25th 2012

The 25th of November is a day I want to remember with glee for the rest of my life. It was a Sunday. I can't write the details of that day here...cos it's really personal, but I'm writing this here so I don't forget even if I lose my phone(where I note all important events in my life),

I can give you a peek sha...
The Major players are myself and DO.


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Cautious Me

Now I'm being very cautious writing here since DO told me he goes through my blog whenever he has the opportunity to. He even knows my blog address off-hand...I don't even know my address.

It might not be news then that I'm getting to like him more and more each day. He's the same one I talked about here. But then, here is the catch, he want me to be his girlfriend, actually girlfriend number two. Cause he already has one. I for one don't buy the idea. Why? Because One, I can't and will never be woman number two. It's either I'm number one (and only) or nothing. Two, Like he told me-when I told him he couldn't keep two girlfriends, he said he could not just let his girlfriend go cos he had invested alot in the relationship  What does that imply? Your guess is as good as mine.

My Values:

I really never want to be the reason someone would break up with the person he once claimed to love...cause it all points to the fact that you either don't know what love really is or you just want to try "love" with me and probably you would want to try with another after me- cos I strongly believe in Karma.

Back to the gist....

I'm getting really fond of DO I'm already seeing him in my dreams -night dreams(..cos I see alot in my day dreams lol!). Going a whole weekend without hearing from him can just be described as a terrible weekend. That brings me to another Topic-ME....of course it's always about me.

Seriously, it brings me to something I have noticed about myself, It's about this need to be with someone (to not be alone) have someone I can call my own..Yes, My Own. I crave for it so much. I'm surely not cut out for a life of single-hood. I see some people screaming: "I'm single and loving it!" Hell! How do they do that.?

I just want to be loved-real good! by a man (no lele things oh!)

PS: I already have so much love from family but that seems not to be enough. Maybe I should see a shrink? What do you think?

Monday, October 29, 2012

Could this be my Midlife Crises.

I believe there are many stages of fulfillment in one's life-especially for a woman.

A little girl is born, she develops then she reaches her first stage of fulfillment-Puberty (these are my own opinion), around this time, she's probably in high school, then the next milestone will be securing admission into a higher institution of learning, then graduation, securing a job, getting married, having children, etc. These like I said earlier are my opinion of the various Major levels of fulfillment in a woman's life. The order they come varies too. Some get married before securing their dream jobs, others get pregnant before getting all varies. Some other stages like buying a car or building a house might be individual agenda for some, for some it might be something you want to achieve with your partner.

Spotlight on me....
 I believe I'm now ready for the next stage in my life, which like you rightly guessed is getting married. But that stage seems to sorta elude me. There's no SERIOUS person in my life so I can't be certain, even a little bit, when it will be. I only have hope in God. I've sailed through the other stages of my life without ANY hassles what-so-ever. So, why is this one proving difficult?

I remember vividly, during one of my holidays in Onisha after my high school, awaiting admission into the university, I met one handsome guy (a trader). I liked him. Three months later, in December -Xmas period, he came to my village to meet my parents, saying he wanted to marry me. Ha! My siblings were so excited and started making fun of me, saying all sorta things like, i'll soon be a mum and they would be uncles and aunts. I GOT SCARED. Luckily, my Dad, handled issues very well and said I wasn't getting married till I was through with the university. That was how that one left.

Another Major one, was in my 4th year in the university, Another suitor came, I was highly recommended. He tried for a very long while- 5 years but I still didn't say yes. Why? The first time he came, I was in love with a school boyfriend (Who I had so much conviction i was going to marry), After we broke up Four years later, I tried to give this suitor a chance, but I just didn't love him and had to let him go.

There were others-quite a lot (now i'm scared), who I did not just like in the first instance, either they were out-rightly ugly or too Igbotic.

Hope, I haven't chased my husband away, with all these my shakara?

Then there was the OB, almighty OB, That one? A big X....NO GO AREA. Him no reach, giving him a chance will be knowingly killing myself. So I had to end it. He sent a text today, that is why I came here today to blog...cos there is some element of truth in what he said, but that notwithstanding will not make me consider him. The text goes thus...

......Chioma, I think you are bored with your life cos you've lost hope a long time ago.
       Now you are waiting for a miracle to fall from the sky, but the thing is that you are so angry with yourself that you always fail to see it.

Hmm! What more can i say? I'm lost!

Monday, October 8, 2012

You Barbaric fellow

Did I ever say that life's beautiful?

Sorry, but I think life's unfair.

If it is not, explain the incidence that happened some days ago to those Uniport students! Just for a laptop and a phone, their lives were terminated.

Yet roaming the face of the earth are murderers, people who kill their fellow man, people who kill their own children even children that have not taken their first breath of our polluted air! Why?

Why should they be free?

Then our politician (who I believe are murderers too), who steal our billions-how much is a laptop? 60k, 70k?

I weep.

I made an attempt to watch the video after days of refusing to see it and God what I saw in 3 seconds in that video made me shut my laptop down and weep.

I weep for my fellow man,
I weep for myself,
I weep for what we are becoming,
 I weep at our misdirected anger.
I'm cold now,
I see the world in a different light now.
and God help me

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

My Final post on OB.

Honestly, in my mind, I had broken up with OB long ago. Though I haven't been in touch with him to do it in person. He use to call when he felt like it, but I hardly ever returned his calls. I allowed things to be and just committed everything to prayers. I was done putting so much effort and getting nothing in return so I just relaxed and watch things happen- allowing my God(who I had ignored all the while) take control.

OB elder brother's wedding took place on the 29th of Last month Sept. Although month ago, after the traditional marriage which I didn't go for, OB told me we (I and him), would be going for the white wedding at Ibadan and he would fix his vehicle for that purpose. So I patiently waited as the date drew closer to get a proper invitation. It never came. That was the final straw and the proof I needed that all was not as it seemed.

He called me  yesterday (three days after the wedding) I didn't pick. I have nothing to say to him. I believe he has nothing to say to me too. His action had said all I needed to hear.

In conclusion, I learnt alot hanging out with him-the hard way. In all I'm happy to still be alive to correct my mistakes (terrible once I made) and allow God have his way in my life.

What I learnt is, no matter how hard you try or push if it's not meant to be, it won't be. Just allow God take control of every situation and I promise you it will not be a painful experience. Try as much as possible to stay away from sin against the body in any relationship you find yourself , because sin would always lead to more sin.

Much love

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen - One of my all-time favorites

Here's the Lyrics. Guess what? It was sung in the opening ceremony of the London 2012 Olympics.
Freddie the Lead singer was (cos he's dead) gay but ..I don't mind.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? 
Caught in a landslide, No escape from reality 
Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see, 
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy 
Because I'm easy come, easy go, Little high, little low 
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me 

Mama, just killed a man, Put a gun against his head 
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead 
Mama, life had just begun 
But now I've gone and thrown it all away 
Mama, ooh, Didn't mean to make you cry 
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow 
carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters 

Too late, my time has come 
Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time 
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go 
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth 
Mama, ooh, I don't want to die 
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all 

I see a little silhouetto of a man 
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango 
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning me 
(Galileo.) Galileo. (Galileo.) Galileo, Galileo figaro 
Magnifico. I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me 
He's just a poor boy from a poor family 
Spare him his life from this monstrosity 
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go 
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go 
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go 
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go 
(Let me go.) Will not let you go 
(Let me go.) Will not let you go. (Let me go.) Ah 
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 
(Oh mama mia, mama mia.) Mama mia, let me go 
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me 

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye 
So you think you can love me and leave me to die 
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby 
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here 

Nothing really matters, Anyone can see 
Nothing really matters 
Nothing really matters to me 

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Children need love all the time

On my way home yesterday, at Ajah park, before boarding an vehicle that would take me to my final bus-stop, I stopped by at a place I normally buy oranges in the park- actually two boys stay there, and it didn't use to matter who I bought from as far as I was buying three oranges for 50 naira. So on this night, I went first to the boy (A) whose oranges looked smaller, but he told me they were 2 for 50 naira. I got vexed and turned to his neighbor (B) and bought from him instead-the same two for 50 naira. I gave (B) a hundred naira note. He did not have change, so he had to ask his neighbor (A) , who lend him the 50 bucks. I took my change, but something pricked me and I turned again to buy with the change from the first boy (A) who I had ignored.

The truth was that I felt bad that I could treat a small boy so, I was hoping he didn't feel rejected by that action of  mine. How old could he possibly have been -10 or thereabout, and see the treatment I was giving him. It's surely not his faults that his oranges were slightly smaller than those of his neighbour. The treatment I gave him I would term harsh. Children need love all the time. What am I saying sef? I just guess it's been a while I wrote, so this bla bla bla. Thanks for reading1

Friday, August 31, 2012

People dey sha oh!

This Girl (I don't know her name, but I'll find out), was recently employed in my office. Though she was based on a site, she reported to the office every Friday to prepare and submit her report for that week. 

Last week, when she came, I said hi for the first time. She popped in the following Monday to pick up some drawings and we exchanged pleasantries again. My assessment of her then was that she was okay, character-wise-although her dress sense was a write-off.

Today, she came in as usual to prepare and submit her report to my boss (The perfectionist one) and he started pointing out some errors to her and correcting her in a manner we (old employees) are used to. Apparently, the girl wasn't finding it funny, so when they were through with the discussion, she angrily went back to her workstation. At that time, someone called her on her phone and she responded, loud enough to draw attention to herself and in a manner that shows that she was really mad a result from her encounter with my boss. She spent some minute and before you know it she carried her bag and went out of the office. I knew something was really wrong. So I (humble peace maker) went after her to the lift lobby and tried to delay her -by holding her arm, from entering the lift so I could talk to her, but she told me *in a mad mood* "I HATE PEOPLE TOUCHING ME. I'LL NEVER COME BACK TO THIS OFFICE". I didn't expect such an outburst from her, So my first response was shock. I was so shocked I couldn't open my mouth. That was  how she entered the lift, pushing the others inside and left. Later I heard at the entrance hall that her behaviour in coming out of the lift was liken to a mad woman.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Something I wished for.

Since my Secondary school days, I'd wished I had an elder sibling. It's not like the task of being a senior was too much, but I wished I could be taken care of too. BTW, I wasn't/am still not a great first born child. I don't intend selling my birthright though.

I'd always imagined what it was like to have an elder sister or brother. I'm sure I won't have done most of the s**t I've done cos they would have put a check on me. They would have put a closer eye than my parent did.

Recently, when I got acquainted with OB's sister, I started to imagine her as being my own sister. It had nothing to do with me going out with her brother. Ofcourse there are somethings about her I really don't fancy, but I just feel this attraction towards her-not lesbian things oh. 

She still scares me, but the little time we talked I was able to *what's the word?* relate with her! No that doesn't sound right. 

Anyways, I really wish she was my friend. She's intelligent and smart.

Wedding Waka!

The other day I was going for a wedding. I had serious thoughts on how to convey myself there. The options were, A bus-danfo, a cab, a bike-okada. and of course, my legs-I have no car. I seriously had to weight my options cos and obviously, money is not plenty. lol at that.

Long and short of the gist, I used a bus(es) in getting there.

It was ecomomical, that I don't need to explain.
It was also safe- not like using a bike.

These were the two pluses in my choice, and they were at the expenses of my Rep (I do have a reputation you know), my comfort and my patience (time).

My rep was tanished tainted that day. Why? Ok I was sitted in the bus by the window side and somehow I glanced out of it to the vehicle on the other lane. It was a yellow cab and in it, I saw a former classmate. Immediately, I turn my head back to my phone. Kai! I don fall my hand! Thank Goodness I wasn't in those very big buses filled with market goods. I hope she didn't see me, we are not friends at all though. Also, my dress was not bus appropriate (lol) Anyways, I toned in down. How? By wearing flat shoes -had the intention of changing when I got to the venue.

Convenience.... I suffered oh! From one danfo to another, I for just bone charter taxi! One of the "numerous" buses I entered, from CMS to Orile, was these big ones that usually carry traders and their goods, tomatoes, pepper and the likes. Luckily sha, this one didn't carry them, but it still felt awkward.

Time... If I had flown a bike, I woudn't have been caught up in these stupid Lagos traffic...or waiting for the bus to get filled with passengers. A cab won't need to wait for it to get filled too. It took me a lifetime to get to the venue.

But then I got to the venue in piece (Not peace oh) cos I had a serious quarrel with one annoying bus conductor and in the annoyance lost my new bracelet and didn't notice it was missing till at the venue.

*Clearing my throat* At the venue, another wahala- where to change my shoes and possible do some retouch of my makeup..I WISH I HAD A CAR!

Finally, the wedding was fun. Reunited with come colleagues.
Then the journey back was less stressful, cos I got a free ride to a very resonable distance.

Pics from teh wedding...




Oops! I wish I could tell.

I wish I had no secrets. 

Sometimes I tell things that others would keep secret. But then I have my reason. It is because I believe the punishment I would get (from God of course- He's the only only one that matters) would be less after people would have probably judged and castigated me. Just like in "giving", you know our popular belief that if you give in the open and you are praised, then don't expect any reward from God... So I assume if people of the world judge me, like they did Mary Magdalene, and I'm truly sorry for my misdeed, That God would be milder on the punishment that should be meted on me.

So that's where I draw my inference from.

I have greatly sinned, Lord have mercy.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Arranging my thoughts

He calls her "My Own". That was his special name for her, he still calls her that now, even though he tries to call her by her real name when talking to me(mostly comparing me to her). Before I met him I understood she gave him the phone he was using cos probably he couldn't afford to buy one for himself. This phone has lots of her pictures in its memory card. Ofcourse he can't delete the pictures because he claims he would return the phone in due time.

Along the line, His Mum gives him another phone for his birthday, He removes the memory card from the previous phone and inserts it in this new one- still full of her pictures.

Yet again, he get a bigger phone -a BB, still again he migrates that same memory card with all the pictures.

He doesn't have a picture of me in his phone, But then he calls her his ex, and me his babe, sometimes wife. He gets terribly angry when I ask about her. Sometimes he says he left cos she was fat  othertimes, cos she was not a tidy person, sometimes because of distance. Distance? He told me she's in lagos. So what has distance got to do with it?

I always ask because, the answers don't seem convincing enough. the reason is because anytime he lies, he finds it hard to make eye contact and then he stutters. That is what he does anytime I ask him.

Along the line (a slip of his sister's tongue) I found out she has been in London. She was around lately though, I saw signs when I went there in June- I saw some of her clothing and the script I wrote about in one of my recent posts. He denied her being present-when I showed him the facts and evidences, he had to confess that she comes around the house,of course passing the night(s). That was when I made up my mind to call it off finally. He was not mine. He was hers.

If he was really not seeing her anymore, I'm sure he would have just bought a new memory card, after all 
how much is it?

He always talks of how boxed up she is. Her dad works with NNPC and bla bla bla, She works in a bank, She gives him money. Money! Maybe that was it, Money! What a shame if you ask me. A man following a woman for money is really very shameful (my opinion pls). 

So I'm just wondering who he is using, either he's using me or he's using her. Anyway, I don't wish to be used by anyone.

But then I get confused because of the way he "pushes" me to associate with his family. What is he up to?

Before his sister became friendly with me, she used to scare the crap outta me. But he tells me to better start getting use to her cos I'll be seeing her for a long time. brb

I'm So alone

Is there no one who sees I'm not alright? Or you guys don't just care? I'm in pain. Please someone should give me shoulders to cry on. Please! Someone should just hold my hands look into my eyes and tell me that everything would be fine, that I need not worry myself too much, that I have done wrong but God is ever merciful and compassionate. Is there no one out there to tell me this? 

At this rate, I could die and no one will care, I'm pretty sure.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Everyday People- That smile

You see them everyday but you have not the slightest idea what they are passing through. If only you knew, you would give them at least a smile even go as far as paying for their meal, their transport fare, but you don't know and you may never know. They are bold enough to cover it up with a smile. 

So in my opinion a smile is deceptive, very, but it still the best thing that could happen to someone. Someone throws a smile your way and your morning is lit up. It's magical I swear. Sadly, I don't know how to were one. 

I know how to laugh in fact I love laughing, but I can laugh all the time, I can't laugh while walking along the road-of course people will think I'm mad. So I really need to learn how to wear a beautiful smile first to brighten your day and two, to hide my sorrows and worries. After all who cares?

Can you ever imagine what's behind that smile?

Monday, August 6, 2012

I pray for hope

The greatest gift we have all been given is HOPE and it is the only thing we can't live without.

School of Hard Knocks

I'm not suicidal but I swear, I know what it feel like to want to end ones life. I know the feeling. There's just a thin line separating me form that feeling. I know I won't get there. I pray I don't get there.

In this short period of time I've seen that in this life I'm on my own. I've let down the people that love me the most-Family.

The best thing I know one could posses is family. If you've got none then I'm sorry. It also very bad when you dissapoint the family that should be your backbone. Then OYO. 

I've let down my family in so many ways. In letting them down, I've let myself down. I don't even have the courage to pick up the phone and chat with my family members the way I used to. When they call me, there is this disconnect. It's the guilt inside me that's killing me. It's killing me badly. I feel terrible, afraid, scared, angry and hopeless. I fear what the future holds. Even God seems so far away from me. I've cried, I cried telling him to save me from drowning myself but he seems far far far. Will he ever look my way? I hope he does cos I must be one dirty old hag to him. 

I once had a good name, that name I've soiled with my own hands.  With my very own hands I ruined my life. I make mistakes after mistake, never wanting to learn from them. Who have I to blame but myself.

In this period I realized that there might be many people out there feeling like I am right now, but then they mange to put on a smile, a false facade if you ask me. But then they go about their everyday business with hope. I still find it hard to forgive myself, where then will hope come from?

My early years had things going smoothly for me. I never in my wildest imagination thought things would get this bad. I've been screaming on twitter that I needed someone to talk to but no one replied. Probably they think I'm joking or maybe they have issues of their own. But whatever the reason they just made me understand that I'm on my own- to carry my problems alone.

Life is a hard knock.  Truly it is. 

Lord I hope you see my heart and come to my rescue. 

In memory of the one I lost

Long before I saw him
I had beautiful dreams about him.
I saw signs of him everywhere.
Then finally he came
But the timing was wrong
I wasn't ready
I wasn't ready for D.
I had other plans
Other dreams
He had to go
He left...and I miss him so much.
I really do


He'll be back
I know
I know D. will come back
to me
Of course he would be different
and so would I
but I promise to atone
for all I did
the first time he came.
and was turned away.
So you know
I loved you then.


I miss the one I never had

(So you know, I have tear in my eyes writing this) 

Being in love should not be this hard. Honestly, I'm tired of this issue called "love". I tired of talking about it, reading about it, hearing it. I just want to feel it from some one I like. I tired of writing his name on my blog for all the wrong reasons. Why can't I write about him taking me out on a proper date (where he pays) or him buying me gifts just because he loves me. Why? I know he's not so boxed up but even if, there are inexpensive ways to show someone you care after all he can afford to buy himself beer every evening. I'm tired! But then I've got my self so entangled I don't know how to leave. 

I tried leaving him finally last month but things happened and we are back to where we were- nowhere.  I stayed almost a month without calling him then. He called a couple of time though. Things got tough for me so I had to consult him cos he was the only one close to me then. Then he went about telling me how he wanted me back and stuff. I'm passing through alot now and I need a shoulder to lean on and he's not there. So what am I to do?

The sad thing is that there are lots of people out there who really like me and are willing to do almost anything for me but unfortunately, I don't like them at all. The thought of some of them even irritates me like shit. 

Now I fear I'm going to die a lonely lady but I rather than end up with someone I don't fancy. It's so easy for me to get irritated even by people I like.

Like I said, I'm going through a life changing process right now and I've decided to do it myself. I don't need OB's shoulders to lean on. I can't stand him anymore. I've tried to understand him but he just gets so irritating and annoying at the same time. Immature behavior if you ask me. 

He'll grow up at his own time and pace, cause it seems my pace is faster, way faster than his.
I'll miss him though, I'll miss the person I never had.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Names I have in mind for my Kids

Dubem..... I love this name. It will be the name of my first son. It means "Lead me". The full name is Chukwudubem- God lead/direct me. Isn't it a perfect name? I strongly believe in a persons name following him/her (including our president, he's obviously been having Good luck though it doesn't transcend to us).

My first daughter will be Amara. Aside from the meaning (even before I knew the meaning), I've loved the name  because all the ladies I know who bear this name are beautiful, and have this calm disposition, like they are at peace with their person and the world. Amara means "Grace"- you see! Wonderful meaning. For the full name between Amarachukwu or Amarachi, I don't know which exact one to choose. BTW, I don't want the names of my kids to be too long that it would not fit into forms with limited boxes- if you know what I mean!

For now, I want to have two kids. This is just because I want to give them the best of everything. God will bless me with the resources to go as much as four. Amen!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

A new routine for me

Today is my first day in church. I had decided to start spending my lunch break in the church- in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I was to start on Monday, but got so busy at the office that I skipped lunch. But today (Wednesday), after lunch with DP, I decided to use the remaining 30mins to at least familiarize myself with my new routine. So I found my way to the Cathedral.
 I’m at the Cathedral writing this and I’m wondering why I decided to be spending my lunch here? Ok, it’s just to have a quiet time with God, tell him what I’ve been through since the last time I saw him (in this place) and ask him for new favours and direction.
….For now I like my office (Job). So my focus will be on a life partner. He (God) has to answer me before the year runs out. I’m ready to settle down. I really wasn’t ready before even though I talked about marriage a lot before. But now, I’m ready and ready to settle down, make babies and run a home.
I want to ask for a sign Lord concerning this marriage issue. I get scared most times because there are some people I don’t fancy at all coming my way (and in my thoughts) and I don’t want the sign to favour them. An example of the signs I had in mind were for “the chosen” to call me at a particular time of a particular day, but I changed my mind about it. I used to have a sign, a terrific one (I wasn’t serious-pray- about it) and besides I wrote it down somewhere and I’m sure someone would have had a glimpse of it. So I’ll come up with another one and then I’ll fast and pray about it. This is so the devil will not use it against me.
Lord I’ve already complied the list of the qualities I want in my future husband, I’ll bring it tomorrow and we can work on it.

Monday, July 2, 2012

What he wanted me to believe

OB told me that it was not possible to see a man that won't cheat on me. I don't know if he's totally correct or he was saying it, so that I'm not caught off balance when I find out about him. Anyways, I found out, or rather, I always knew.

Back to the discussion, I don't believe it's impossible to find a man that won't cheat on me. If I can stay without cheating on my husband, surely then he can stay without cheating on me... What do you think?

Why do men feel they can't control their thoughts(Mind)? Especially regarding sex? As far as I'm concerned, anyone who can't control his thought especially as a man is a failure- my opinion!

The camel's back is broken

I spent the weekend at OB place with his family. On that Friday, I followed a colleague of mine who lives around his area. When i got to his house, he wasn't home neither was anyone-his phone was switched off. So i went to a church nearby to chill and pray (I didn't). Since it was already getting late, I started making alternative arrangement regarding where I would sleep. I decided to check the house one last time before leaving finally, and loo OB was at the door trying to get in. He was a little furious cos he thought i won't be coming again.  Anyways, Nothing much happened that night except watching Tv. Then on Saturday, he left before the environmental sanitation began to work and from there he was suppose to go for an interview. So basically, i was home alone. Later in the evening, when I assumed the interview would have been over, I called his phone, but he did not pick..and then my imaginations started running wild. What if there was no interview to start with? Maybe he was chilling with one of his numerous girlfriends.  Finally he came and said we were going out to a friend's birthday party. He said one of his ex might be there (I wonder why he was telling me that!) We sha went for the party, I saw a senior colleague of mine there and he was surprised to see me in such a gathering- cos honestly, that ain't my kinda thing.

We came home late and slept of. 

the next day was a Sunday. He decided to do his laundry (which took forever). He said mine was to rinse and spread. I did nada cos one he wasn't doing any washing really, but the washing machine. After a while, he came and told me to assist in spreading, but i was not in a wonderful because a lot really happened over the weekend. 

On Friday, I saw a script on the floor of his room with his "ex-girlfriends" name on it. I tried to push it off my mind, but it didn't work. So I asked him about it. This is the annoying part, He started rambling that he doesn't know, probably it belongs to his sister (I knew his sister can't/won't come to his room to read). I asked again and told him the reason i was asking was co i say Her name on it (an email printout). You needed to see the confusion in his face, of course he came up with another excuse..that it was probably old stuff of hers that he mistaking got out of his box when he was searching for his Cv and credentials. I then told him to tell me the truth and stop complicating things. He stood by what he said, then I told him he was lying, cos the script was not old...the email document (script) came with date and the date said Wednesday (day-before-yesterday). He later confessed that she was around that Wednesday. I asked him if she slept over and he quickly denied it saying his sister would not allow it( two day later, on Sunday, i saw a pajamas in a box, and I guess it was hers cos she's on the big side). 

I'm already tired of all this story sef. The annoying thing is he thinks he's smart, so why can't he cover his tracks well? He knows fully well that I would arrange his room cos I can't stay in a dirty room.

Oh before I forget, when I saw that script, I guess he hurriedly looked around his room to look for any other thing that would implicated him. So he took my shoes(which was in a nylon bag) and my belt and flung it out of his room thinking they were stuffs belonging to the other chick. I realized this when I started looking for my stuffs ..and I knew exactly where i dropped them.

I need to edit my last post or rather cross out some shit!

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

OB, I love you...edited note in red

I write down this heading and I'm smiling to myself....OB, my OB.

It's been a while I wrote about you. Not like I've forgotten about you (though I've convinced myself to do that many times before), It's just that I haven't gotten around to blogging about it.

You're still like a mystery to me... you're still ever present in my life... you're still the one I call Obim, you're still the one I love

Yes, I feel like I understand you well enough but I still wish I could trust you more than I do right now.

Maybe you don't know, but I once trusted you (and you, me) until I did something, and you did something and we both lost the trust we had for each other. It still shows in our conversations...the lack of trust, but then you always say you were kidding.

These past weeks, you've been out of this world, you've been what I wished you had been since I met you. You call everyday, you helped me out when I was down financially (I had to really beg sha!) and then yesternight, you said you love me-something you've not said in forever. I think I've said that phrase to you too before but over a conversation. 

OB, I love you...and this I love you is not just a feeling, it's a choice I want to make.

Should I make it?

If you ever read this can you leave your answer here or  tell me in person or over the phone..or in a text, Just tell me Chioma Make that choice.I'll understand what you mean.    Don't bother! (I've seen the future)

Bye bye Twitter link

I used to link this blog to my twitter account, but that was when I wasn't really active on twitter and then my followers where actually strangers. But now, I'm being followed by people who know me and I really don't want them reading all about me and the happenings in my life.

I use to write on a book journal before, but this online stuff seem to be more fun so I started writing here, though not as regularly as I used to write on my book... but honestly, the book was deeper cos I wrote everything- No remix, no half truth. but that was because no one was allowed to touch.
But Online, I try to be more decent which is killing me (grrh!)....but what is one to don't want to be washing your dirty linens outside.

If they stumble upon this blog by chance, No problem!

I choose Hapiness

(Talking to myself) I should be happy.
No I choose happiness. Yes that's it! I choose to be happy, no matter the circumstances. 

That's the way I have programmed my mind. No matter what I come up against, I'll stay happy, hard as it may but happiness I choose. Even though I might not be all smiley -I don't know how to smile- but my mind stays happy, my mind, that's what matters.

I've tried alot to keep a smiley face even when looking at myself in the mirror, but it seems like hard-work. I really don't mind a straight face but then people term it frowning, so what am I to do? 

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Hello world!

Welcome to! This is your very first post. Click the Edit link to modify or delete it, or start a new post. If you like, use this post to tell readers why you started this blog and what you plan to do with it.

Happy blogging!

Friday, May 11, 2012

For the Ladies.....though I don't agree 100%

I got this from someone and I quite agree with some issues.

I hear a lot of women talking about how “There are no good men”. Well quite frankly I’m tired ofhearing that. Its time for a reality check. See when a woman goes to a pastor, family members or abest friend (usually some other bitter bitch) forrelationship advice, she’s given advice that ismeant to comfort her and not give her the truth.Getting advice from one of those aforementionedpeople is pretty useless because they are givingadvice that is meant to make a woman feel betteraboutherself and not give her what she actually needs tohear. This is especially true when a woman listensto her girlfriends who themselves are manless, aredating a loser and/or are whores. It’s like the blindleading the blind…over a cliff and into a meatgrinder. The truth hurts and no one wants to giveadvice out that might make someone feel evenshittier than they already do. I, however, have noqualms about doing that. Ladies, the reason youcan’t find/keep a good man is because YOU are theproblem. It’s that simple. Women almost neveraccept responsibility for their own fuckups when itcomes to relationships and even when theyattempt to, it’s usually just some scapegoat way ofblaming the guy i.e. “I was stupid for thinking thathe was a good guy”.Let’s see. You’re approaching 30, you’ve been inand out of relationships, every time you think youmeet a good guy it falls apart… seriously, at whatpoint do you stop blaming it on men and startdoing some self examination? The real commondenominator in your failures is you.Now let me explain why you can’t keep a man. It’sactually very simple. You can’t keep a manbecause you don’t try to keep a man. First off,women have started to believe this myth that theyare somehow simple to please whereas men arecomplicated. It’s the opposite. When it comes torelationships, women can’t even figure out forthemselves what they want and they want men tobe overnight experts. Men on the other hand arevery simple creatures. A relationship to us is asimple cost benefit analysis: Does our time andmoney bring us a reasonable set of benefits?Women don’t seem to be aware of the sacrificesmen make to try to please them. Let me breakdown the money and time parts for you:MoneyI’m convinced women don’t know, don’tappreciate or don’t care how much money a mantypically burns on trying to keep them happy. Let’sbreak down with some very conservative andbasic numbers. Let’s say a man takes a womanout once a week for dinner and a movie. A dinnerat a decent restaurant (Non-chain) is going to runyou about N2k – N3k. That doesn’t include anyalcoholic beverages. Including drinks and tip,you’re looking at about N8k – N9k. Movie ticketsfor two will run you N3k and add an extra N1000 ifthere are snacks involved. You’re looking at aboutN8k – N12k a week, N32k – N48k a month. That’sN96k – N112k every 3 months. That’s a damnmortgage payment. And that’s just dinner and amovie once a week. That doesn’t includebirthdays, Christmas, Valentines Day,anniversaries, etc. Now I know the typical womanresponse is “But I spend about that much forclothes, hair and other things I do for you.”Bullshit. This isn’t like doing your taxes. You can’twrite off your everyday, normal expenses. Its noteven in the same ballpark.TimeOur entire lives, men are raised to be keepers oftheir own time. As little boys we are in essenceraised to take care of ourselves and do what wewant with our time. Being in a relationship meansa lot of sacrificing of that freedom. We have to siton the phone and talk about how fucked up yourday was. We have to deal with the bullshit dramathat you get yourself into when you hang out withbitches that aren’t really your friends but you’reeither too stupid to see it or completely unwilling tochange it (Yet we have to hear you bitch about ourfriends). Even when we stay in and you comeover, we have to deal with you sitting thereinterrupting and disturbing our “fortress ofsolitude” by asking questions and wanting to “talk”while the game is on. But we deal with it.No, we don’t enjoy talking to you for hours onend. Yeah, we might tell you we do, but we don’t.See, when we hang out with our boys and bitchabout things, if we’re told “Damn dude, that wasfucking stupid, don’t do that”, we don’t cry aboutthat being too harsh, we take the advice.However in a relationship with women, we haveto hear you bitch about stupid shit going on withyou and then watch as you refuse to take ouradvice. Then 2 weeks later we’re right back wherewe started and have to listen to the bullshit overagain. It’s a complete waste of our time but weknow we have to do it so we suck it up and dealwith it.So this is typically what happens.A woman meetsa nice guy; they hit it off and start dating. It startsoff wonderful. (cont'd)or hours on the phone, hetakes her outand things really seem to be meshing. Then afterabout 3 – 4 months, things start to change. Theydon’t go out as much, he spends more time withhis boys/watching the game/playing Xbox, theydon’t talk as much and he feels more distant. Afterabout 6 months there’s a noticeable change andthings fall apart and a woman is left wondering“What the hell happened?” What happened wasthe guy did a cost-benefit analysis and the resultsweren’t in your favor. A man has put in his timeand his money and he’s looked into what exactlyhe’s getting back from it and the answer was “Notmuch.” This always happens. Talk to any womanand she’ll say “Things started off great but after afew months he changed.” Look, he didn’t change…he got bored. Relationships are like hourglass sandtimers. If you don’t switch things up, the sand willrun out and it’ll be over. Let’s be frank, the onlybenefit most women are providing to a man is asteady supply of sex and that’s not going to cut itin the long run. Sex has a 3 month shelf life beforeit becomes just another thing to do. Women havefallen into this mindset that all a man needs to behappy is good sex. *sigh* Please. That might getyou in the door, but you’ll be quickly ushered out ifthat’s all you’re bringing to the table. First andforemost, your pussy devalues over time muchlike the way a new car depreciates in value themoment you drive it off the lot. Also, much like acar, newer models come out all the time and yourpussy is replaceable. There’s nothing a woman cando to stop this. Sure you can switch things up inthe bedroom and make things more “exciting” butall that does is postpone the inevitable. So, in orderto keep your man you need more than just sex.Any woman can provide a man with sex, whatyou want is something that you can provide thatmost woman can’t or won’t. Again, men aresimple creatures; we don’t need or ask for much:Cook - The new trend with women these daysseems to be that a lot of them eithercan’t cook or they don’t cook for their man. Thesaying “The way to a man’s heart isthrough is stomach” is one of the few sayings thatis actually true. Cooking is such a basic survivalskill I’m baffled by ANYONE who says they can’tcook. It’s not rocket science here people. If you canput together a banging ass meal at least 2 times amonth, I’m telling you…your man isn’t leavingyou.Cater to him – When you had a rough day we’reexpected to rub your feet, get youdinner and generally sit around and listen throughyour bitch fest. Is it too much toask that when we come home from a hard dayand have a headache that you comeover and take care of us? I’m not saying this has tobe a one-to-one thing, but everyonce in a while it makes a man feel good to be ableto come relax and not have to worry aboutanything because his girl is going to take care ofhim. Think about it.Women always have a laundry list of things theirman should be doing for them…buthow many of them can truly list things they do totake care of their man (That don’tinvolve sex).Learn about his hobby and engage in it with him–If your man loves football, learnabout football. That doesn’t mean asking him toteach you about it or asking 50 million questions inthe middle of the game. Go to the library or Googleor your father/uncles/brothers and learn fromthem. You don’t have to love it or even like it butyou have to pretend. Hell, we do it all the time withyou. We don’t like shopping with you, dealing withyour emotional outbursts or half the shit we dowith you…but we pretend. A little reciprocitywould be nice. Learning from someone else otherthan him shows that you care. We have to showwe care about things you do all the time so it onlymakes sense that you return the favor. Trust me,you show some form of interest in what he isdoing and it’ll be easier to get him to take a breakfrom it.Hit the gym - It might seem trivial but the truth isyour looks matter. As a matter of fact, any manthat says he doesn’t care about his woman’s looksneeds to have hissexuality checked. Men want the trophy wife/girlfriend. If your man is going to the gym andworking out and you’re not, just go ahead andstart preparing yourself for the break up.Look, your bullshit tofu-only diet might make youdrop some weight but its not getting you in shape.When your man goes to the gym, he seeswomen that are either working out with their manor just working out for themselves. Immediatelyhe thinks “why doesn’t my girl do that?” All it takesis one friendly conversation with a single lady whois working out at the gym for your man to startthinking “Damn, why am I notsleeping with this chick?” Beside that it also showsthat you actually care about your own health. Awoman that is working out now is more likely tokeep that up after she’s pumped out some kids.That’s a huge plus to a man. There’s a recurringtheme with the things I mentioned. If you don’tcook or cater to your man or hit the gym, someother woman will. Men attract the most womenwhen they are in a relationship. Otherwomen are gunning for your man and if youaren’t bringing anything to the table you will losehim. It’s a myth that men are afraid ofcommitment. Most men don’t mind commitmentwhen it comes to a woman that handles herbusiness. Men are just overly cautious aboutcommitment because the whole purpose of beingin a relationship with a woman is to eventually getmarried. So if a woman isn’t really bringing muchto the table now, why the hell would he want tocommit long term to that? We recognize andappreciate women who hold it down. All menhave that one friend that is deeply committed tohis great girlfriend/wife. We clown him excessivelyfor being whipped but we would NEVER try to gethim to break up with her because we all knowshe’s good for him. When we come over to watchthe game, she’s there wearing a jersey, cookingfood and handing out beers. Or she can kick hisass in Halo 3 and in essence makes all her man’sfriends jealous that he has such a great womanwhile their girl is bringingnothing. Why does she do that? Because sheknows if she doesn’t do it, some otherwoman will be.Now I’m sure some woman will hit back with “Ohthere’s things yall need to do too” and that’s true.However, there’s two things with that. First off,some women have a knack for dealing with menthey know they shouldn’t. If you’re going for the“thug type” then don’t bitch when shit doesn’twork out. You know when a man isn’t a goodmatch for you, but you convince yourself that youcan change him. Let me be very clear with this:You Can’t!!! Stop wasting your time and trying.Secondly, while good men out there do need tostay up on their game, the numbers work waybetter in our favor. There are more women thanmen so if a man fucks up with a good woman, hestill has a good chance of finding another goodwoman. I’m not condoning a man’s fuckups, I’m just acknowledging that the field is muchsmaller for women. Due to thiswomen have to make themselves irreplaceable.Most women have dated good guys but it doesn’twork out because they don’t put in work into it (Orthey dated someone they knew they shouldn’thave…which is another topic). You can’t have a listof criteria of what a man should do and thenexpect the only thing you have to do is give up thevajayjay. You’ve been trying that way for a minuteand it hasn’t work. Don’t you think its about timeto switch it up?

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Birthday Outing

My birthday was like three weeks ago but it was only last Sunday (two days ago) that I was able to take my neighbors (who are my friends now) and my cousins out, to Alpha beach. The Journey there was phew! I hired a cab to take us from the house to Alpha beach at a price, but after a while the cab driver was like should he turn now? I was like turn to where? We are not there yet! He was like is it not this 'new road' I was referring to? And I was like, but I described where I was going, Alpha beach at New road after Chevron! And he screamed "Ha! If na that place your money no reach oh! I was like "how e no go reach?"

Truthfully, the price he gave was quite cheap but not the outrageous price he was now calling. He anyway refused to come down and I refused to go up more than I thought was normal. So I told him to just drop us at Ajah bus stop so we could just hop on a transit bus (which will help us save lot of cash) and continue on our journey. Anyways, my 'friends' talked to him in their language (yoruba) and he agreed to collect what I proposed. But He still foolishly didn't know the place, so It was when he passed the 'new road' that I was like" Oga we've passed the place now" and He goes like "why you no talk?" I told him that he should have said he didn't know the place. ... And for a Cab driver to say he doesn't know where Alpha beach is, he must be really silly (I didn't tell him this part though)? So drove away from the new road for a long while and then we suddenly hit a serious traffic (BTW the road was demarcated so you can't make a U-turn ) till we got to the round about. Then he angrily dropped us at the new road junction and refused to take us inside to alpha beach. Anyways, I was already pitying him and all the gas and time he'd wasted during the traffic. I didn't really remember how far it was from the new road junction to the beach, I actually thought we could leg it, so we started legging it but it the beach did not come into sight, so we decided to pick one of this keke, but there was no vacant one in sight.
We thought of stopping private cars for a ride, but lever no gree us. Finally, my younger neighbor summoned courage and topped a young guy who was riding solo. While in his car he started a conversation by asking our names, from there I and him started rapporing (rapport) cos we found out we went to the same primary school. He even took us pass the entrance gate to the beach and paid our entrance fee. Nice guy, he had to represent sha, since he said he works in Chevron-big boy.

This are some of the pictures I took of them, too bad I didn't get to enter cos I was behind the camera. I bought them fish and we came with our own drinks and biscuit. it was fun sha!

Going back, I fashied the idea of a charter cab, cos I knew  the price would be outrageous. So we took a bus instead and then a normal taxi (not charter). The cab we entered had this smell it seems only I could perceive. later, my neighbors were harassing the driver that he did not have  side mirrors in is cab, and the driver was defending himself that he did not need the mirrors to drive and he has been driving for over ten years..bla bla bla. I've been driving for over a decade too and the people who put those side mirrors definitely did it for a reason.Anyways, amiss all the argument, (I did not partake in it cos I was really tired), he committed some erroneous driving and the jeep he offended was trying to prove a point and there was an accident (the jeep bashed his own bumper, next time he should learn to control his temper) when our cab driver saw what he'd caused(what he would have avoided if he had his side mirrors) he zoomed off and we his passengers were all screaming to drop us and run away on his own. He finally did after he'd lost sight of the jeep. So we hurriedly dashed down and took another cab home. bla bla bla. It was a fun sha anyways.

chopping fish lol!

Blessed givers

Got to the office today in a wonderful mood reasons:
1. I decided (on Sunday-two days ago) to start being serious at work starting Yesterday-Monday.
2. I did not miss my free ride like yesterday ..and I got a prospective PP- ie something to put some extra change in my pocket.
3. I felt comfortable in the clothes I put on, unlike yesterday while rushing to catch the free ride, I mistakenly put on my clothes inside out. also the clothes didn't really match.

Ok! So I was in a wonderful mood today.
Got to the office and started watching a movie (wrong way to start) till DO came and guess what? He got me a pack of juice. I was like Whoa! (should I be writing this, I don't know, I just feel like it's been a while since I wrote something here!)

Anyways I was really surprised, considering I yabbed him alot yesterday or did I? His a nice guy sha...and shy.

I'll call her NB, she's a colleague of mine, beautiful but smallish with a killer figure. I think DO likes her, too bad, she's taken. That's BTW, so she came in and gave me a perfume. Whoa! again....  fragrance was tight men!

I'm really blessed. I feel blessed and loved, yeah loved.

Also umbrellas were distributed in the office, so I got one-another gift. (boring story ba?)

Looks like stories of OB seem to be more interesting. Anyway, he's annoyed me enough that I don't think he deserve to be written about. He's just a Libra to the bone marrow. I was reading about stars and their characteristics last weekend and OB is like I said a true libra. ..and honestly I don't think I can cope or tolerate that attitude. So I rather back out now and start chasing a new cause or course (whatever!). Libra's are talk, talk talk, no action. Flirty by nature, just love having fun. They have class though and make friends with people with class too.

Gat to get back to work, Later.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

A new attraction

I can't remember if I wrote about OB and the girl(J) in his office he always used to talk about till it went to the extent of him kissing her. Now I understand what it means to start developing affections for someone you spend lots of time with. 

Ok, the thing is that I fear it's happening to me now. There's this guy in my office whom I am getting fond of. He's nice, generous (he got me Mars chocolate and pringles yesterday) and really ambitious. It shows in the way he commits to his work. I really wish i could be like him in that area.

 Today, even my "play play husband" in the office started asking questions querying the closeness between I and him-I'll call him DO. Cos we went out to lunch together under the rain...and you know what rain does to people. Lol at me.

I come to work really early, that you know, and he comes really early too. So whenever I get to the office I keep wishing he does not take ages in showing up. He has this kinda shy look about him. And,(lol!) the elderly colleague by work station just smiles anytime he sees me with DO.

Ok that the end f my story, Lunch's over, I need to get back to work.

In summary, I'm not one who cheats!

Friday, April 13, 2012

When will it be my turn?

Logged on to Facebook this morning and guess what stared me in the face? Traditional wedding pictures of a colleague in school. What struck me was that I didn't see it coming-like you know when girls start posting pictures of their boyfriends/fiancee on Facebook. But she didn't do any of that. she was coded which is cool. 

Another thing that struck is that I'm way older than her and I felt this pinch like, Chioma what are you  doing wrong? 

Anyways I'm not in a hurry besides I've not seen the one I like who thinks I'm worthy to become his wife. So, I'm just chilling till then. But when it would really hurt is when my younger sisters, who are of age now, start getting married. My mum has already told my immediate younger one not to wait for me(that thought still hurts). I've even told her myself not to wait for me. 

I'll settle when I find someone close to what I need.My Dad told me two years ago that there was no perfect person (that I know). He also said if I see someone who scores like 3/10, that the person is good enough and we can grow and improve ourselves. My Mum was there that day and she was like noooo oh! 3 is too low. 4/10 is ok! So I'm still waiting for "my" 4/10. 

...still sailing, Wish me luck!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

New Look

Yeah! I've got a new look to my blog!
It took me time oh! BTW I really find it hard to understand (assimilate) things these days - don't know if it old age oh! God help me sha. 

I've still not arrived at what I want (I'm talking about my blog design), but I'll get there....and you would love it.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

28 and 3 days old.

I wrote something on my birthday (7th April), but I lost it. So here I am again wondering what to put up. 
I have this strong urge to write, to blog, to teach, but I don't know how to start. Even if I know, It jut feels like there isn't enough hours in a day to execute these urge.

Ok, I'll write about my Easter hols.
On Good Friday, a public holiday, OB called me to join him and some friends of his at the beach. I got really excited and told him I was coming. Just that I forgot I was suppose to go for Good Friday mass. I had told my Aunt that I was going to church only to turn around and say I was going out instead. then she said 'hioma takee your God seriously'. It touched me. So I called up OB and told him I would not be able to make it. But if we could hang out at the beach on our own the next day. He said, hanging out on the beach without a crowd will be boring. If you  ask me, I don't think so. it will simply be romantic.

Anyway, after every, I was to spend part of the Easter with him. So on Easter Sunday afternoon, I packed my things for work on tuesday and left for OB's place. He asked me to come along with food, which I did.

On geting to his place, i met his elder brother at the gate with a bucket of fried rice, I gesture to help and he told me to help him with a bunch of plantain from the booth  of his car. When i got in, I saw OB lying on the couch watching TV (of course, what else does he do?). I felt sad when I thought OB would ignore my 
'humble rice and stew'  for the fried rice his brother brought. I virtually hid the rice I brought in the kitchen  while the one his brother brougt was displayed on the dining table. But OB went for the one in the kitchen, He ate it completely. If only one would have seen the joy in my heart. 'Little thing he does;- that make me love him more. Later we went out to join some of his friends later we came back home...and so on and so forth.

Next day, Easter Monday, I had OB had a Little argument (very usual), so he left me at home and went out. His brother later came and asked what we were having for breakfast, then finally came up with what he wanted me to prepare. So we settled for Indomie with fried eggs. Thank God I did not mess up the cooking.
Later that morning his sister came back from their parents place. Around noon. I told her I wanted to go see my cousins were I used to stay, so she asked me to help her purchase some stuff on my way back. I called up my aunt to inform her that I was on my way to her house, She told me they were not home but were on their way back but Chika was home. So I got to the house and met Chika and while chatting, I fell asleep. I woke up minutes later and they were not yet back. I called her back and she said they were close. There was no meed to hurry since OB who I called was not even anywhere close to coming home. 
Finally they arrive and I took the Kids who I came to see to grab a cake and drink. I missed Ebuka, my baby. But I had to go, to my sweetheart OB (or is he? for  now though). I got the things I was asked to get by OB's sister. Then I got home and watched a movie, played some games sent a text to OB that I was going home. He came home later and said he went to see his parents and besides, his phone was switched off. We went out on our own that evening. and bla bla bla.


When I got to work today, Someone said I looked sad, and I asked myself why? I answered it.
 I miss OB, I wish I'd always have to return home to him everyday!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

A prayer for my heart.

Lord give me a heart that loves, and doesn't hurt, a head to keep my heart from harm's way!
     - chiek... 

Monday, March 19, 2012


When people cry about heartbreak, I smile cos

1. I've been there. 

2. I know they'll get over it eventually. Then, 

3. Love is a beautiful thing. I know you'll be wondering what love being beautiful has to do with heartbreak. This is it, while they are lamenting, you can feel the love they have for that person emitting and that feeling is usually strong. But like I said, they'll eventually get over it. Maybe in 3months, 2years, but the will; partially cos time heals all wounds then completely when the fall in love again. I just pray it works out well this time else I fear the person night stop believing in love and might turn into a beast.

Friday, March 16, 2012

We run the World!

I'm not trying to sound arrogant or proud. 

It's not like I don't need a man in my life,i just think that he needs me more than I need him . Afterall, God saw how lonely Adam was before he took out a rib from him to form Eve(the one who would complete him). In essence, he was made incomplete and then completed with Eve. 

Ladies! It's the man alone(by the grace of God that knows who will complete him.). 
Listen, the man must choose you first. You can't choose him. He does the choosing first, and it's only then you can make your choice. You can decide to choose him back or you wait to be choosen again. 

But first of all make sure you are happy with who and what you are, then try to place yourself in places (good places) where you will be seen/found.

Whoever sees you as his missing rib will definitely choose you.

Yeah a major problem is that some men don't know what they lack or are missing. That's why couples fall out after the man discovers the woman they are with is not who they should be with. 

So ladies, when a man chooses you, you still have a lot of background checks to do. You need to be sure the man knows himself. Cos if he doesn't know himself, how would he know what he's lacking inside of him.

Ladies you have alot of work to do.

I'll continue on this some other time Ciao.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

The break up..i think

I've had this note on my phone since January, but after what happened today I decided to put it up. My intention was that I'ld break up with him, but somehow we did not break up. 

The note of January

Now OB is officially gone. This is cos he has finally publicised his picture with juliet on facebook. I asked him though and he said it was during their end of year party. It will really be dumb of me to believe that line. I feel bad for being dumped but I try to look at the bright side of it all. I will now commit less sin cos he's gone. Now it's just me by myself. With a couple of guys who like me but don't get the same reaction from me. I'll work on that. I'll bring out the flirty part of me(if it really exists). It's just that when I like someone romantically, it's hard to like someone else the same way. And if I don't like you romantically, really can't hide it either. That person tends to irritate me. But now with OB gone, I'll see that I improve on that other side of me.


But today, I asked OB if he felt we were working and he replied that he was tired of my asking that question all the time. Yes, I've asked the question alot, but he never answered me. He later asked if I wanted to go and I said yes, then he logged out.

He called by phone twice, but I was in the restroom and did not have the call credit to return the call. (even if I had, I won't call him).