Could this be my Midlife Crises.

I believe there are many stages of fulfillment in one's life-especially for a woman.

A little girl is born, she develops then she reaches her first stage of fulfillment-Puberty (these are my own opinion), around this time, she's probably in high school, then the next milestone will be securing admission into a higher institution of learning, then graduation, securing a job, getting married, having children, etc. These like I said earlier are my opinion of the various Major levels of fulfillment in a woman's life. The order they come varies too. Some get married before securing their dream jobs, others get pregnant before getting married..it all varies. Some other stages like buying a car or building a house might be individual agenda for some, for some it might be something you want to achieve with your partner.

Spotlight on me....
 I believe I'm now ready for the next stage in my life, which like you rightly guessed is getting married. But that stage seems to sorta elude me. There's no SERIOUS person in my life so I can't be certain, even a little bit, when it will be. I only have hope...my hope in God. I've sailed through the other stages of my life without ANY hassles what-so-ever. So, why is this one proving difficult?

I remember vividly, during one of my holidays in Onisha after my high school, awaiting admission into the university, I met one handsome guy (a trader). I liked him. Three months later, in December -Xmas period, he came to my village to meet my parents, saying he wanted to marry me. Ha! My siblings were so excited and started making fun of me, saying all sorta things like, i'll soon be a mum and they would be uncles and aunts. I GOT SCARED. Luckily, my Dad, handled issues very well and said I wasn't getting married till I was through with the university. That was how that one left.

Another Major one, was in my 4th year in the university, Another suitor came, I was highly recommended. He tried for a very long while- 5 years but I still didn't say yes. Why? The first time he came, I was in love with a school boyfriend (Who I had so much conviction i was going to marry), After we broke up Four years later, I tried to give this suitor a chance, but I just didn't love him and had to let him go.

There were others-quite a lot (now i'm scared), who I did not just like in the first instance, either they were out-rightly ugly or too Igbotic.

Hope, I haven't chased my husband away, with all these my shakara?

Then there was the OB, almighty OB, That one? A big X....NO GO AREA. Him no reach, giving him a chance will be knowingly killing myself. So I had to end it. He sent a text today, that is why I came here today to blog...cos there is some element of truth in what he said, but that notwithstanding will not make me consider him. The text goes thus...

......Chioma, I think you are bored with your life cos you've lost hope a long time ago.

       Now you are waiting for a miracle to fall from the sky, but the thing is that you are so angry with yourself that you always fail to see it.

Hmm! What more can i say? I'm lost!

You Barbaric fellow

Did I ever say that life's beautiful?

Sorry, but I think life's unfair.

If it is not, explain the incidence that happened some days ago to those Uniport students! Just for a laptop and a phone, their lives were terminated.

Yet roaming the face of the earth are murderers, people who kill their fellow man, people who kill their own children even children that have not taken their first breath of our polluted air! Why?

Why should they be free?

Then our politician (who I believe are murderers too), who steal our billions-how much is a laptop? 60k, 70k?

I weep.

I made an attempt to watch the video after days of refusing to see it and God what I saw in 3 seconds in that video made me shut my laptop down and weep.

I weep for my fellow man,
I weep for myself,
I weep for what we are becoming,
 I weep at our misdirected anger.
I'm cold now,
I see the world in a different light now.
and God help me

My Final post on OB.

Honestly, in my mind, I had broken up with OB long ago. Though I haven't been in touch with him to do it in person. He use to call when he felt like it, but I hardly ever returned his calls. I allowed things to be and just committed everything to prayers. I was done putting so much effort and getting nothing in return so I just relaxed and watch things happen- allowing my God(who I had ignored all the while) take control.

OB elder brother's wedding took place on the 29th of Last month Sept. Although month ago, after the traditional marriage which I didn't go for, OB told me we (I and him), would be going for the white wedding at Ibadan and he would fix his vehicle for that purpose. So I patiently waited as the date drew closer to get a proper invitation. It never came. That was the final straw and the proof I needed that all was not as it seemed.

He called me  yesterday (three days after the wedding) I didn't pick. I have nothing to say to him. I believe he has nothing to say to me too. His action had said all I needed to hear.

In conclusion, I learnt alot hanging out with him-the hard way. In all I'm happy to still be alive to correct my mistakes (terrible once I made) and allow God have his way in my life.

What I learnt is, no matter how hard you try or push if it's not meant to be, it won't be. Just allow God take control of every situation and I promise you it will not be a painful experience. Try as much as possible to stay away from sin against the body in any relationship you find yourself , because sin would always lead to more sin.

Thanks
Much love

Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen - One of my all-time favorites

Here's the Lyrics. Guess what? It was sung in the opening ceremony of the London 2012 Olympics.
Freddie the Lead singer was (cos he's dead) gay but ..I don't mind.


Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? 
Caught in a landslide, No escape from reality 
Open your eyes, Look up to the skies and see, 
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy 
Because I'm easy come, easy go, Little high, little low 
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me 

Mama, just killed a man, Put a gun against his head 
Pulled my trigger, now he's dead 
Mama, life had just begun 
But now I've gone and thrown it all away 
Mama, ooh, Didn't mean to make you cry 
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow 
carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters 

Too late, my time has come 
Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time 
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go 
Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth 
Mama, ooh, I don't want to die 
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all 

I see a little silhouetto of a man 
Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango 
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning me 
(Galileo.) Galileo. (Galileo.) Galileo, Galileo figaro 
Magnifico. I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me 
He's just a poor boy from a poor family 
Spare him his life from this monstrosity 
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go 
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go 
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go 
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go 
(Let me go.) Will not let you go 
(Let me go.) Will not let you go. (Let me go.) Ah 
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 
(Oh mama mia, mama mia.) Mama mia, let me go 
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me 

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye 
So you think you can love me and leave me to die 
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby 
Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here 

Nothing really matters, Anyone can see 
Nothing really matters 
Nothing really matters to me 

Children need love all the time

On my way home yesterday, at Ajah park, before boarding an vehicle that would take me to my final bus-stop, I stopped by at a place I normally buy oranges in the park- actually two boys stay there, and it didn't use to matter who I bought from as far as I was buying three oranges for 50 naira. So on this night, I went first to the boy (A) whose oranges looked smaller, but he told me they were 2 for 50 naira. I got vexed and turned to his neighbor (B) and bought from him instead-the same two for 50 naira. I gave (B) a hundred naira note. He did not have change, so he had to ask his neighbor (A) , who lend him the 50 bucks. I took my change, but something pricked me and I turned again to buy with the change from the first boy (A) who I had ignored.

The truth was that I felt bad that I could treat a small boy so, I was hoping he didn't feel rejected by that action of  mine. How old could he possibly have been -10 or thereabout, and see the treatment I was giving him. It's surely not his faults that his oranges were slightly smaller than those of his neighbour. The treatment I gave him I would term harsh. Children need love all the time. What am I saying sef? I just guess it's been a while I wrote, so this bla bla bla. Thanks for reading1