Could this be my Midlife Crises.

I believe there are many stages of fulfillment in one's life-especially for a woman.

A little girl is born, she develops then she reaches her first stage of fulfillment-Puberty (these are my own opinion), around this time, she's probably in high school, then the next milestone will be securing admission into a higher institution of learning, then graduation, securing a job, getting married, having children, etc. These like I said earlier are my opinion of the various Major levels of fulfillment in a woman's life. The order they come varies too. Some get married before securing their dream jobs, others get pregnant before getting married..it all varies. Some other stages like buying a car or building a house might be individual agenda for some, for some it might be something you want to achieve with your partner.

Spotlight on me....
 I believe I'm now ready for the next stage in my life, which like you rightly guessed is getting married. But that stage seems to sorta elude me. There's no SERIOUS person in my life so I can't be certain, even a little bit, when it will be. I only have hope...my hope in God. I've sailed through the other stages of my life without ANY hassles what-so-ever. So, why is this one proving difficult?

I remember vividly, during one of my holidays in Onisha after my high school, awaiting admission into the university, I met one handsome guy (a trader). I liked him. Three months later, in December -Xmas period, he came to my village to meet my parents, saying he wanted to marry me. Ha! My siblings were so excited and started making fun of me, saying all sorta things like, i'll soon be a mum and they would be uncles and aunts. I GOT SCARED. Luckily, my Dad, handled issues very well and said I wasn't getting married till I was through with the university. That was how that one left.

Another Major one, was in my 4th year in the university, Another suitor came, I was highly recommended. He tried for a very long while- 5 years but I still didn't say yes. Why? The first time he came, I was in love with a school boyfriend (Who I had so much conviction i was going to marry), After we broke up Four years later, I tried to give this suitor a chance, but I just didn't love him and had to let him go.

There were others-quite a lot (now i'm scared), who I did not just like in the first instance, either they were out-rightly ugly or too Igbotic.

Hope, I haven't chased my husband away, with all these my shakara?

Then there was the OB, almighty OB, That one? A big X....NO GO AREA. Him no reach, giving him a chance will be knowingly killing myself. So I had to end it. He sent a text today, that is why I came here today to blog...cos there is some element of truth in what he said, but that notwithstanding will not make me consider him. The text goes thus...

......Chioma, I think you are bored with your life cos you've lost hope a long time ago.

       Now you are waiting for a miracle to fall from the sky, but the thing is that you are so angry with yourself that you always fail to see it.

Hmm! What more can i say? I'm lost!

You Barbaric fellow

Did I ever say that life's beautiful?

Sorry, but I think life's unfair.

If it is not, explain the incidence that happened some days ago to those Uniport students! Just for a laptop and a phone, their lives were terminated.

Yet roaming the face of the earth are murderers, people who kill their fellow man, people who kill their own children even children that have not taken their first breath of our polluted air! Why?

Why should they be free?

Then our politician (who I believe are murderers too), who steal our billions-how much is a laptop? 60k, 70k?

I weep.

I made an attempt to watch the video after days of refusing to see it and God what I saw in 3 seconds in that video made me shut my laptop down and weep.

I weep for my fellow man,
I weep for myself,
I weep for what we are becoming,
 I weep at our misdirected anger.
I'm cold now,
I see the world in a different light now.
and God help me

My Final post on OB.

Honestly, in my mind, I had broken up with OB long ago. Though I haven't been in touch with him to do it in person. He use to call when he felt like it, but I hardly ever returned his calls. I allowed things to be and just committed everything to prayers. I was done putting so much effort and getting nothing in return so I just relaxed and watch things happen- allowing my God(who I had ignored all the while) take control.

OB elder brother's wedding took place on the 29th of Last month Sept. Although month ago, after the traditional marriage which I didn't go for, OB told me we (I and him), would be going for the white wedding at Ibadan and he would fix his vehicle for that purpose. So I patiently waited as the date drew closer to get a proper invitation. It never came. That was the final straw and the proof I needed that all was not as it seemed.

He called me  yesterday (three days after the wedding) I didn't pick. I have nothing to say to him. I believe he has nothing to say to me too. His action had said all I needed to hear.

In conclusion, I learnt alot hanging out with him-the hard way. In all I'm happy to still be alive to correct my mistakes (terrible once I made) and allow God have his way in my life.

What I learnt is, no matter how hard you try or push if it's not meant to be, it won't be. Just allow God take control of every situation and I promise you it will not be a painful experience. Try as much as possible to stay away from sin against the body in any relationship you find yourself , because sin would always lead to more sin.

Thanks
Much love