A Relapse

My heart is heavy.

I want to cry a river, 

I want to let it all out, 

I want to be free. 

Freedom is all I yearn

My heart breaks,

From the guys, all fake

who I had let in

What did they do?

A-tearing

This is not an attempt at poetry

Never said I was good

What do you think

I did something I said I won't do, and now I pay the price.

Part 2

I’m really close to doing something I might regret.

I can feel it deep in my bones.

But then I keep telling myself not to worry,

Reminding myself of the popular saying, If you can’t change it, don’t worry about it.

These are the times when I feel like God is really far away from me.

I now remember all the things I think I need in my life but yet still lacking.

Please I don’t want to lose my faith in God again.

I profess his existence,

Is anyone out there?

Please help me in any way you can, help me tell him to hear my cry.

How else do I cast my burdens so that the weight I carry would be lighter?

What extra things do I have to do to get his attention?

I am emotionally and physically drained.

The despair is all coming back.

I was able to hide it for a few months, but I tired of pretending that all is well.

I’m tired of wearing a faux mask of happiness and contentment.

I want the real deal.

I want closure.

Lord Jesus, Help me

Mother Mary, intercede for me

Love.

Your child who want to feel you more.