Tuesday, February 18, 2014

A Relapse

My heart is heavy.
I want to cry a river, 
I want to let it all out, 
I want to be free. 
Freedom is all I yearn

My heart breaks,
From the guys, all fake
who I had let in
What did they do?

This is not an attempt at poetry
Never said I was good
What do you think

I did something I said I won't do, and now I pay the price.

Part 2

I’m really close to doing something I might regret.
I can feel it deep in my bones.
But then I keep telling myself not to worry,
Reminding myself of the popular saying, If you can’t change it, don’t worry about it.
These are the times when I feel like God is really far away from me.
I now remember all the things I think I need in my life but yet still lacking.
Please I don’t want to lose my faith in God again.
I profess his existence,
Is anyone out there?
Please help me in any way you can, help me tell him to hear my cry.
How else do I cast my burdens so that the weight I carry would be lighter?
What extra things do I have to do to get his attention?
I am emotionally and physically drained.
The despair is all coming back.
I was able to hide it for a few months, but I tired of pretending that all is well.
I’m tired of wearing a faux mask of happiness and contentment.
I want the real deal.
I want closure.
Lord Jesus, Help me
Mother Mary, intercede for me


Your child who want to feel you more.