A Relapse

My heart is heavy.

I want to cry a river, 

I want to let it all out, 

I want to be free. 

Freedom is all I yearn

My heart breaks,

From the guys, all fake

who I had let in

What did they do?

A-tearing

This is not an attempt at poetry

Never said I was good

What do you think

I did something I said I won't do, and now I pay the price.

Part 2

I’m really close to doing something I might regret.

I can feel it deep in my bones.

But then I keep telling myself not to worry,

Reminding myself of the popular saying, If you can’t change it, don’t worry about it.

These are the times when I feel like God is really far away from me.

I now remember all the things I think I need in my life but yet still lacking.

Please I don’t want to lose my faith in God again.

I profess his existence,

Is anyone out there?

Please help me in any way you can, help me tell him to hear my cry.

How else do I cast my burdens so that the weight I carry would be lighter?

What extra things do I have to do to get his attention?

I am emotionally and physically drained.

The despair is all coming back.

I was able to hide it for a few months, but I tired of pretending that all is well.

I’m tired of wearing a faux mask of happiness and contentment.

I want the real deal.

I want closure.

Lord Jesus, Help me

Mother Mary, intercede for me

Love.

Your child who want to feel you more.

Happy New year in Febuary

Hi Lovelies, Hope it's not too late to scream "Happy New Year!!!. 

I really can't remember the last time I was here, and the reason is, I tried to stay more  private mainly because a lot of things happened to me towards the ending of the previous year...things I was kinda ashamed of/ still am, but I've learned my lessons.

As time goes by though, I will try to share some of the lessons (not necessarily the stories) I learnt last year. The reason is, I hope you would be able to learn from it, so you don't fall for same...but then some love to learn from their own experiences. e.g Me.

So far, 2014 has been an awesome year, although I was really edgy at the beginning, because towards the end of 2013, my house agent came with  more than a 100% increase the the house rent. I've sorted that out now.
Another excitement for me is that I have stated my sewing lessons! Yeahh!  I've already made a huge 50k financial commitment, so there's no backing out for me except I want to dash  the dough-of which I don't want to do.

Yet again, my makeup abilities has improved...I'm getting there! Yipee!

Also, I've put up a considerable amount of weight, thanks to my Saturday aerobics, the weight goes to the right places...so I seem to get plenty attention these days- but from married men. The propositions seems tempting though, but I know I can't and won't date a married Man. I'm too possessive for that kinda thing.

I am so hopeful for this year though. Too many Good thing in store, it a feeling I can't describe. 

Love you loads...Will try keep in touch more often.