Monday, August 6, 2012

I miss the one I never had

(So you know, I have tear in my eyes writing this) 

Being in love should not be this hard. Honestly, I'm tired of this issue called "love". I tired of talking about it, reading about it, hearing it. I just want to feel it from some one I like. I tired of writing his name on my blog for all the wrong reasons. Why can't I write about him taking me out on a proper date (where he pays) or him buying me gifts just because he loves me. Why? I know he's not so boxed up but even if, there are inexpensive ways to show someone you care after all he can afford to buy himself beer every evening. I'm tired! But then I've got my self so entangled I don't know how to leave. 

I tried leaving him finally last month but things happened and we are back to where we were- nowhere.  I stayed almost a month without calling him then. He called a couple of time though. Things got tough for me so I had to consult him cos he was the only one close to me then. Then he went about telling me how he wanted me back and stuff. I'm passing through alot now and I need a shoulder to lean on and he's not there. So what am I to do?

The sad thing is that there are lots of people out there who really like me and are willing to do almost anything for me but unfortunately, I don't like them at all. The thought of some of them even irritates me like shit. 

Now I fear I'm going to die a lonely lady but I rather than end up with someone I don't fancy. It's so easy for me to get irritated even by people I like.

Like I said, I'm going through a life changing process right now and I've decided to do it myself. I don't need OB's shoulders to lean on. I can't stand him anymore. I've tried to understand him but he just gets so irritating and annoying at the same time. Immature behavior if you ask me. 

He'll grow up at his own time and pace, cause it seems my pace is faster, way faster than his.
I'll miss him though, I'll miss the person I never had.