Friday, December 16, 2011

Year-end at-hand

Wow! barely three weeks to the new year and here I am again.
I don't even know how to start but I guess I should just state how I feel right now.....FRUSTRATED. Yes I am frustrated with a lot of things but deep down I still have hope though I am very unsure of when my salvation will be.

I am 27 now and next year April 7th precisely, I will be 28 and what do I have to show for it...Nothing!!

Shit!! How bad can it get. I am not married, my bank account still reads zero, I still put up with shit from relatives I stay with and can't even afford my own crib.

I'm hopeful though, cos I think I have actualised the first step in getting a better life, which is changing my Job.
Yeahhh.!!  At least that alone is worth celebrating, because to achieve all what I have set and dreamt, getting a good job was my first aim.

Also, with this new job came an added advantage, MORNING MASS. I'm a catholic though  not a strong one.
My new office is so close to the cathedral, in fact a 5 mins walk . So I have the opportunity of going for morning mass before coming to work. But there is a thing to it. Considering where I live now is very far from were I work , so to get to work which starts by 8.30amm, I have to leave the House by 6.00am, but since Mass is by 6.30, I have to wake up by 4- 4.30 and leave the house by 5am or else I will be late for mass. So I have a very huge sacrifice to make..My sleep.

BTW, It's been a long while since I have been here but I think I let you know that I was thrown out of my Aunt's place the one I was staying with in Gbagada. She got tired of my late night homecoming and also my I-don't-care attitude. But honestly, that is the only way I can stand her. She is so rude and arrogant and staying with her only drives me nuts. Anyway, I have moved in with my other Aunt though most of my things are still in the previous place. I am happier here, though there is a major problem, where I stay now is miles from civilisation, lol, miles from my place of work, so I wake up by 4, sometimes 4.30am and I get back by some minutes after nine, no thanks to the traffic on that stupid Ajah road. I really pray they finish that road construction soonest, let us see if it would have any impact on the traffic.

Unhappy me!!!

Then something else that frustrates me is my so-called boyfriend. Oh!!! He's such a ............/ Whatever, everyone says he is not worth it and I deserve better, but I feel he needs my because he seems to be out of focus, not like I am focused either but I think I am better, at least I tryyyyyy to work towards my dreams. On his part, he has lots of wonderful dreams, but all he does is talk and talk and talk, NO ACTION. I just don't want to waste my precious time and youth waiting for a ..................

I said this blog was my journal and there is a lot I want to write about him but I think I rather not for now. The last time he called me was two days ago. Sometimes it stays up to four days, me too I don't burge. He would say he probably putting me to the test to See how caring I am, me too, I am putting him to the test and he has Failed woefully over and over again.

Why am I so unhappy?

Is it the heartbreak I witnessed over three years ago. What could it possibly be? Why am I so bitter?

................................GOD HELP ME