Thursday, December 31, 2015

Last Post for the Year 2015

Hi Lovelies!!!

It's been a long while since I was last in here. I missed you guys.

On my way to work, I was trying to recap my highlights/ achievements for the year. Unfortunately, I could not recall much. However, Yesterday, I made a feat of driving across the 3rd Mainland bridge. This bridge is one I always feared being on. But my Colleague, gave me his car and insisted I drove home- take about conquering one's fears.

I attempted my professional exams this year. Although I had a reference, I was glad I made effort to write it. I will be concluding it in March 2016, by the grace of God...and if i'm serious enough to pick my books and start reading. I can't say I gave my best in my first attempt. I was too lazy to read. I also tried cutting cost, by avoiding any paid tutorials. Those monies, i will still have to spend, even more, talk about penny wise pound foolish.

I met some people this year, guys actually. They basically are coming for marriage, and of course, some for flings. On this topic, I'll pass, because I really don't like any of them. The one I somehow loved, an architect like me, did something that made me wary. Asked me for a loan of 100k in only two weeks of knowing him. That was like a bad sign. But i still think about him. and I have not been able to like anyone else since then. There is even one who my family sorta likes. He's based in Warri, with a good job. He's also quite generous and maybe caring, but he irritates me. I hate the way he speaks and he's darn ugly. He dresses OK, but there's no love for him. I feel pressure from my people about him. He has some scores to settle with me, cos I discovered somethings about his past he lied about. I hate liars.

I guess I'll stop here, but let me drop one major resolution for next year. 

I will not allow envy of jealousy take hold of me. I happy and comfortable with who I am, what I have. I know who I am.

Wishing You and Amazing, Awesome 2016.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

My Resolve on Friendship

I think I love writing compared to reading at least…it’s seems like a less tedious chore.

Something just cropped into my mind.

Like a resolution.

“I resolve to retain my new friends.”

Every day, I seems old ones have been lost, hardly ever keep in touch.

I have however resolved to maintain any new friendship I have, make every effort to retain and sustain it, except the person really really doesn’t want me as a friend.

Right now, I can’t say I have many. The few I have left are the ones who even make the effort to keep in touch. …and I love how they understand me and my personality. They think I’m weird but they take and love me for me.

I better start reciprocating before I lose them too.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

He has been my best so far.

It’s not difficult to say, he has been my best so far. Even though it seems we are not working out, because of the many challenges in front of us, he’s been amazing. I will not settle for anyone or anything lesser than what he gave me.

He treated me like a queen while it lasted. So sad it all has to come to an end, mainly because we work in the same place and the love (maybe) is not strong enough to make anyone give up his/her job. You know, where we work, you can’t marry your colleague. So one has to resign. Other minor reasons are, family not too keen on us. His People don’t like me that much and my peeps same; age not on my side to consider waiting longer; family responsibilities as first son; also, I’ve the tendency to be disrespectful etc.

I never called his people not because I didn’t have their number, but I didn’t think it was time to start getting close. I had seen one of his sisters, gone to her house twice, seen the brother a couple of times but I still feel this withdrawal. I always feel it. So I guess it’s me.

Did I forget to tell you that there’s someone his Mum wants him to settle with. She’s very beautiful but I guess she did something that hurt him, so he’s not so keen on settling with her. She loves him though, at least I’ve seen some of their communications. Sometimes I get jealous because I feel she loves him more than I do.

I’m not a prayer warrior like she is, I don’t know how to pray that God make all these challenges disappear, so that I live with him forever as his wife. All I know is that I love him so much and want him to be happy. Very hard to admit, but I want him to be happy even if I’m not the one. That’s how special he made me feel at least before he started withdrawing. Even at that, I know he still loves me.

Hard as it is to call your name here, the most unique name I’ve ever heard, if you ever come across this, drop a prayer for me, because I bless you every time I think of you.

Still writing in present tense. You can imagine

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Forced Love

Then I pray “give me the heart to love him, who you've destined for me”

I found that most times in life’s love stories, most women don’t end up marrying who they love.

I assumed that would be my story too. Why? When men pursued me, after dating for a while, I end up loving more than they do and the relationship never sees the next stage. So in this particular scenario, after ups and down in my relationship, I sensed the absence of my lover’s heart. On the day I broke up with him, I had someone else seriously on my tail.

This new guy came with so much force. I kept asking myself if he is the one and since I didn’t have any affection for him, maybe that’s where my prayer comes in handy. “Give me the heart to love him, who you’ve destined for me”.

I still secretly pray for my lover to come back to me. Although something tells me I’ve lost him for good, because the challenges we have are too enormous for lazy and undedicated people like us to cross.

This new guy is coming too strong. I’m older than him with 2 years. He even uses my picture as his display picture on social media. No one else has done that apart from my siblings and cousins. I’ve not met him in person, his written English is close to terrible. Pictures of him are not clear but I can see he’s not my type.

A friend of mine chatted me once, she said she came across my pix on a mutual friend’s DP. She engaged him in a discussion and he told her I was his fiancĂ©e’ and we would be getting married in December.

Can he be real? Could he be the one for me? Will I open my heart to receive him?

All these I don’t know. Time will tell.

BTW, why can’t I marry someone I love and who loves me back? Why do I have to force myself to love someone just because I want to get married?

Monday, May 4, 2015

Random Thought

I was 8 years old or thereabout, I loved to play. Yes I loved to play with the guys, the reason simply was because my neighbours were guys; My Mum was the only woman with more than one female child around my neighbourhood.On this fateful day, while playing with the guys that was around 6 in the evening. We were just outside the house of one of our neighbour, only for the woman of the house to “call me out” to go inside my house and cook.I don’t know why I never forgot that incidence or how I felt. I didn’t like her much after that.